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Mr Tickles R.I.P

The last known picture of Mr Tickles

The last known picture of Mr Tickles

June 2, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

More Email Scams: MESSAGE FROM MR DANGOTE URGENT‏

I honestly think these gobshites like my responses

Below is an email that arrived in my inbox this morning.

From: aicha.diop2@adinet.com.uy

I feel quite safe dealing with you in this business proposition though,this
medium (Internet) has been greatly abused, I choose to reach youthrough it
because it still remains the fastest, surest and most secured medium of
communication.

Am Mr Ali Dangote, i work with the Banque international du Burkina-Faso (BIB),
i have a deal which i will like you to do with me ,then after we share the
money 40%60,and the amount is 50million dollars,reply urgently and i hope you
are
capable to handle this transaction, make sure you have good account number
for the deal I will send you full details on how the business will be
executed.

Please keep this proposal as a top secret  and delete if you are not
interested
Your Full Name…………..
Your Sex…………
Your Age………..
Your Country…………..
.Passport / driving license…….
Marital Status…………
Your Occupation…………
Your Personal Mobile Number………………..
Your Personal Fax Number…………….

Thanks
Mr Ali Dangote  (B.I.B)

And now my response

Dear Mr Dangote

I am delighted that you could overcome the fear and the stigma that the Internet portrays to offer me such a deal, I agree this form of communication has been greatly abused, mainly by low life penis sniffers who take advantage of the stupid but I still believe it is one of the most secure methods of doing a 50 million dollar deal, other unenlightened people would believe it was a scam and not entertain it, but in the 30secs it took me to read your email I have grown to trust you and I would be happy to part with the gunk from my over-ripe anal infection to secure this deal with you.

Its really quite tasty

Its really quite tasty

20 millions dollars (my 40%) is such a large amount but Im sure my Abby National plus-saver account wont have a problem dealing with such a transaction and dont worry about keeping the deal “Top Secret” If any government body enquires about my new found wealth I will explain that I have invented a new cure for genital herpes that I sell in Internet cafes in Lagos.

Here is the information you requested:

Your Full Name: Elmer J Fudd
Your Sex: Rough and Nasty sheep shagging
Your Age: 12 and a half
Your Country:
Kazakhstan
.Passport / driving license:

My Passport Photo

My Passport Photo


Marital Status: Married to my sister
Your Occupation: Vaginal infection taster (Yes taster not tester)
Your Personal Mobile Number: 1800 eatshit
Your Personal Fax Number: N/A

If theres anything else you need please let me know.

It would be a pleasure to do business with you, besides  my wife and myself could really do with the money, she has some issues she feels self conscious about and the money will go along way to help.

Me (on the left) and my wife

Me (on the left) and my wife

Regards

Redpox1st.

As usual I am still waiting for a response 🙂

May 1, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Home Brew Alcohol The RedPox1st Way – How To Distill – Make Moonshine / Poteen

Times are hard, the country is in ressesion, the credit crunch is on, etc.. so what could be better than getting shitfaced on your own high strength (40, 60-80%) alcohol?

Let me start by saying: It Is Illegal To Distill Alcohol In The UK Without A License therefore this post is a “”hypothetical”” post, you should not try this at home unless you live in a country (like NewZealand) where the goverment are not theiveing bastards that tax you on everything humanly possible!! So if there’s any coppers out there reading this let me asure you this post is a totally fictitious story and not a documented project!

With that out of the way lets get pissed!

A good night

A good night

What is alcohol?

Alcohol is basically sugar & water fermented by yeast, Sugar can come from most edible foods so beer is made with malt and wine with grapes, most food containing starch can be fermented into alcohol. the yeast breaks down (eats) the sugar contained in the food (known as fermentation) and releases (shits & piss’s) both alcohol and carbon dioxcide (CO2). So the next time your havining a drink just remember you drinking another living organisms (yeast) piss!!!!

How do you make alcohol?

You mix some sugar and water, add some yeast and leave it alone somewhere warm until it finish’s fermenting and Hey Presto you have alcohol! easy.

drunk-man-in-funny-position1

Why distill alcohol?

Yeast is an amazing living organism that  as I have mentioned eat’s sugar and piss’s alcohol, but yeast can only do so much before it gives up. Yeast will multiply and continue to make alcohol until the food runs out of there is to much alcohol in your mix for it to survive. most yeast will reach 7-10% volume of alcohol, special wine yeast can reach upto 17% alcohol and  then some specialized super yeasts (given the right conditions) can reach upto 23% vol of alcohol but thats the top of the range.If you want alcohol stronger than 23% you will have to distill it to increase the % volume.

A working Poteen still

A working Poteen still

What is distillation?

Distillation is basically boiling your sugar&water mix(wash) to remove as much water as possible so you can increase the % of alcohol in it. For example if you were to distill 24ltrs of 10% wash you could end up with 4ltrs of 60% wash, I dont know about you but 4ltrs of 60% alcohol would go a long way! Because alcohol has a lower boiling temperature than water it can easily(with the right equipment) be separated.

What is Poteen, Moonshine, etc…?

These are a form of distillate (distilled alcohol), Poteen (Poitin) is an Irish drink fermented from potatoes and then distilled as I am from Ireland I have had first hand experience of this drink and believe it is neither kind to your taste buds or your liver but fuck me! it does the job. Moonshine is the same only in the USA it is made with corn and sugar. I wont go into either history but if you would like to now more go to this Wikipedia page and knock yourself out.

The ancient art of Yoga Vs The Irish art of getting pissed

The ancient art of Yoga Vs The Irish art of getting pissed

Now to the good stuff!

Times have changed, you no longer have to risk your life trying to manufacture your own still which would more than likely explode (as homemade stills have a habit of doing) and take half the neighborhood with you! You can just hit our beloved EBay and get one shipped to your house from Ellie‘s (who is an extremely helpful and friendly lady) homebrew shop for as little as £157.94 including delivery!

Now, since I am an extremely devote catholic and law abiding citizen who would never dream of letting a drop of the Devils Brew (alcohol) pass my lips I would never buy her SmartStill for anything other than distilling water 🙂

The Smart Still

The Smart Still

You will need a couple of more items but if you dabble in home brew you will more than likely have them lying around, if not you could email the lovely Ellie at ellie-claire@tiscali.co.uk who would be happy to advise and supply you everything you need and within as ittle as 10 days you could be drinking your own (petrol grade) alcohol.

Thats good drinking

Thats good drinking

The Process:

Due to me being gee eyed while writing this (testing my fire water 🙂 ) I have had to stroke this next segment from Ellie’s description of the SmartStill.

This machine is a real brill idea. It will distil water, produce essential oils and also produce safe, clean-tasting vodka with the minimum of effort. But before I explain all about it I need to say that whilst it is legal for me to sell this machine and for you to buy it, to distil alcohol in the UK you need the appropriate licence and permits.

A summary of this Vodka Machine:

This machine is known as The Smartstill

It can produce up to 60% clean spirit

It can produce essential oils

It can distil water

It’s ready to use

It comes complete with a pack of Triple Distilled Yeast and a pack of Turboklar clearing agent

Its absolutely fab!!!

This machine is very well made, easy to keep clean and very simple to use. It runs off a 240v mains supply and is rated at 320w. To distil water simply fill the stainless steel chamber with 4 litres of tap water and switch on and it will slowly heat up and the distilled water drops through into the collecting pot and when finished the machine switches itself off automatically.

For the production of essential oils you put your petals (Lavender, Rose, Lilac etc) in water in the chamber and this time as the water boils so the oils from within the petals are burst and these are given off get deposited into the collecting pot. These oils can then be added to bath water to give nice smelly baths or used in your burners etc.

But by far the best feature of this machine is its ability, where legal to distil alcohol. Although it will distil any form of alcohol it is stongly recommended that you use the Triple Distilled Yeast as only this yeast has been designed especially for this type of machine. So that you get a completely clean, safe and pure distilate you must first have a very clean fermentation and this is what this yeast will give.

You need a 25 litre food grade fermenting bucket or carboy, to which you add 21 litres of water at around 30 degC. Then you mix in 6kg of granulated sugar until it is dissolved and then you add the yeast sachet and its sachet of carbon. This carbon keeps it fermenting cleanly. After about 10-14 days the fermentation is finished and the liquid is cleared using a Turbo Clear sachet which will take all the carbon out to give you a nice clear ‘wash’ which will be around 16% abv and you will have 24 litres of it. It is best at this point to syphon this clear wash into a clean fermentation bucket or similar container. Then 4 litres of this wash is put into the stainless steel chamber and the machine is switched on. The machine works automatically and is set to boil the wash at 78degC which is the temperature that ethanol is extracted. The ethanol spirit is then deposited into the collecting pot after passing through a carbon filled bag to purify it further. When you have collected 800ml, approximately 2¼ hours later the machine is switched off and you will have approximately 60%abv clean spirit which it is suggested you add 400ml of water to and this will then be 40%abv commercial quality Vodka. You can then add another 4 litres of wash to your machine and start the whole process again. From your bucket full of 24 litres of wash you will end up with 4.8litres of 60% spirit or 7.2 litres (or about 9½ bottles) of 40% vodka. This vodka can then be used as it is or have any number of essences added to turn it into Whisky, Rum, Gin, Bourbon, or any number of liqueurs or schnapps. I list a range of essences from the Prestige Company of Sweden and hope to have a further choice from New Zealand soon.

So that is how this machine works. It has been adapted to enable it to produce nice clean and very safe spirit and it should not be confused with cheaper models (usually painted white) which are meant to distil water only. Also please remember that when you distil alcohol to drink it is important to produce ethynol which is a clean alcohol which is why the Triple Distilled Yeast is stongly recommended. Any other yeast could give a small amount of methanol which is not good as methanol is a poison.

I think this will give you a very good idea of just what this machine can do and how easy it is to use over and over again. If you have any further questions please message me and I will try to answer them. I have been using my machine for over a year without any problems and will provide my email address with every machine I sell so that I can provide any help you may need. Apart from the wash that is uses to produce the spirit the only consumable item its needs are the little carbon ’tea-bags’ which fit in the connector to purify the finished spirit. You need one of these for each day the machine is used (and you can get through the whole of the 24 litres of wash in one day) and these carbon bags cost £2.29 for a pack of 6. You do get a set of carbon bags with the machine.

To use this machine to produce alcohol you need just normal wine making equipment. I would suggest the following would be useful: 2 brewing buckets with airlock, syphon, hydrometer, thermometer, spirit hydrometer, mixing spoon, steriliser. If you don’t have any of these I can supply all of them for an additional £34.99 – just let me know and I will list them for you.

Thanks Ellie 🙂

So to cut it down to price conscious basics once you have the equipment it will cost you the price of 6 bags of sugar (about £5.50) , special yeast and clearing agent (£4.98 from Ellie) for 4.8litres of 60% spirit or 7.2litres (or about 9½ bottles) of 40% spirit, if like me you are a complete pisshead and gluten for punishment you could distill your distillate again to make it stronger eg. end up with 2litres of 80% alcohol 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

9_funny_drunk_cat

It really is that easy and that cheap, But please Drink Responsibly (wear a napkin) or you could end up like me:

Drink! Feck! Arse! Girls!!!!

Drink! Feck! Arse! Girls!!!!

Until we meet again 🙂

March 30, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 23 Comments

Email Scam: My reply to Miss Jane shantel Kamara

Before I start this post let me make a couple of points quite clear to those who dont know me.

1.) I am not in the slightest bit racist, I traced the origin of this email to an Internet cafe in Lagos Nigeria hence the response.

2.) This email is a scam, don’t be stupid enough to fall for something like it.

3.) I have a very dry sense of humour.

4.) I am very crude and offensive, If you are anyway sensitive fuck off and read someone else’s blog.

While minding my own business yesterday I received an email from a Miss Jane shantel Kamara, many of you may have received this email before but today I have decided to reply.

Below is the email I got:

From Miss Jane shantel Kamara.
Abidjan, Cote D’Ivoire.
West Africa.
Avenue 12 Rue Reine Abla Poku,
12 Bp 7854 Abj 12, Cote D’Ivoire.
Dearest one,
It is my pleasure to write you after  consideration,  since I can not be able to see you face to face, at first,  please I need your help.  I am Miss Miss Jane shantel Kamara. the only Daughter of late Mr & Mrs Richard Kamara, from  Cote D’Ivoire. (I am 22years of age.) My father was a liability Cocoa and Gold merchant in Abidjan Cote D’Ivoire before his untimely death.  After his business trip to Tunisia, to nagociate on a cocoa and gold business he wanted to invest in Tunisia,  a week after he came back  from Tunisia, he got an accident with my mother of which my mother died instantly but my father died five days after in a private hospital. On that faithful afternoon, I didn t know that my father was going to leave me after I had earlier lost my mother,  but before he gave up the ghost, it was as if he knew he was going to die.  He my father, (MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE)  he called me to his bed side and told me that he deposited the sum of ($12,500,000.00) Twelve Million Five Hundred Thousand US Dollars in a bank here in  Cote D’Ivoire.
That the money was meant for his cocoa and Gold business he wanted to establish in Tunisia,  according to my father he deposited the money in a fixed suspense account using my name as the next of kin, He instructed me to seek  for a reliable and trust worthy business partner for my life time investment abroad.  Now I have succeeded in locating the deposit documents and the bank where this money is here in Abidjan, Cote D’Ivoire.  Due to war in my country  Cote D’Ivoire., I am now seeking for your assistance to help me transfer this money out from my country Cote D’Ivoire to your account abroad so that we should invest it in any meaningful and lucrative business in your country because this is my only hope in life.  I am willing to offer you 15% of the total fund if only you can help me out of my present predicame.
I seek your assistance in the follwing ways:
(1.) To provide a bank account where this money can be transfered into.
(2.) To make arrangements for me to come over to your country after the successful transfering of this money into your account, to come and further my education.
(3.) To help invest this money in a profitable business since I am only 22yrs of age and do not know much about business.
(4) To sponsor me transfer this money into your account,
(5). I want you to promise me that you are not going to betray me after the money gets into your account.
The worst part of it is that my uncle is trying to kill me over this money because I refused to hand him over the documents covering this money, He has sold all my father’s landed properties including his cars which rightful belong to me and now he want me to hand over the banking document of my father in my possesion which I refused. Now he said that he will have this money by all means even if it means killing me, so because of this I ran away from home and hide in a hotel,pending when this money will be transfered so that I can leave the country for my safty.
Please reply
Thank’s and God bless you.
Yours sincerely,
Miss Jane shantel Kamara.
and below was my reply:
Dear Miss Jane Shantel Kamara

Thank you for your heart felt email and let me give you my condolences on your parents tragic and untimely death, I am horrified to hear of your uncles antic’s, Is there anyway you can get the authorities involved?

Your offer of 15% of 12.5 million dollars is so generous I find myself asking what have I done in my life for god to grace me with such good fortune?
But alas I am afraid I must decline this once in a lifetime offer as you see I am at a period of transition in my life, where I will strive to become a better person.
Let me explain
I am a toe-rag, the lowest of the low, scum of the earth, a real piece of shit (I know all this sounds harsh but I must admit it to myself if I am to change my life for the better) I am a cerebrally-challenged lump of vaginal fungus.
Please let me elaborate on my self-loathing
My name is actually Ottah I am a 15year old Nigerian from Lagos
When I’m not out eating nob (penis) cheese or masturbating goats I spend my time in an Internet cafe preying on the young, old and stupid people of society.
I send thousands of emails a day trying to convince ordinary, decent (albeit stupid) people to part with their hard earned cash,
I scour the dating websites and disguise myself as a 19yr old naive girl in trouble hoping that some dirty old fucker will send me cash to bring me to his country or as a 33yr old Nigerian doctor working for free in war torn Africa helping little children and wanting to come to London to finish my studies (you wouldn’t believe how many women fall for that one). Or even as a young 22yr old girl who has been left a fortune by her parents but her life is in danger (I cant remember where I heard this one before???, all the horse cock I suck must be affecting my memory!).
So you see I truly am a horrible individual, If I was to be reincarnated I would be a tapeworm in the bowels of a dung beetle or a lump of shit that sticks to your arse hair, I really am a hemorrhoid on humanity’s bum cheeks.
But I digress,
In response to the ways I can assist you

(1) Unfortunately a parasite like me does not have a bank account, but I assure you If you give me your bank details I can have it empty for you within a matter of seconds.
(2) As I am a pus-licking fart-taster and live down the road from you this will not be a problem.
(3) I have a credit card scam going that you can invest in, Its very profitable
(4) See answer 1
(5) I would never betray someone from the same abortion bucket as me!

Apart from the above answers I am at a loss of ways to assist you,
So for now I bid you farewell,
God bless

P.S: don’t you just hate the way monkey sperm gets caught in between your teeth?

Ottah Agu (AKA RedPox1st)

Nigeria Scam Cafe Lagos

Nigerian Scam Cafe Lagos

Strangely enough i am still waiting for her to reply 🙂
I hope you have enjoyed this and remember if its to good to be true, Its a Scam

February 10, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

The Tobacco Run: Cheap Tobacco/Cigarettes

Time: 06:30hrs

Date: 07/02/2009

Place: London

Mission: To stop the British Government ripping me off!

This is the Tobacco Run

The Target

The Target

For those of you that know of the Tobacco Run its a god send, For those that don’t read on

What is the Tobacco Run? The Tobacco Run is a day trip to a town called Adinkerke in Belgium.

What does it involve? It involves getting a coach to Adinkerke Via a ferry to Calais France.

Why? Cheap Tobacco, Cigarettes, Wine, Beer, Chocolates, etc……..

The Story:

I am a smoker, regretfully I smoke quite a lot, I will stop sometime but at the moment I am still a smoker.

I smoke Golden Virginia Tobacco which costs in the UK at the moment just under £13.00 (im not too sure coz I wont buy it) for a 50gm pouch.

The same 50gm pouch of Golden Virginia in Adinkerke costs £4.50, thats just over a third of what it costs in the UK.

Why such a price difference you may ask, Its because the British Government has decided to lump all us smokers with an unreasonable amount of Tax/duty on our nicotine products.

Now, fair enough, I understand that we have to pay tax/duty on our stuff (I understand it but don’t agree with it), What I don’t understand is how a product that is made in the UK sell for a third of the price (tax/duty included) in a different country than it can in its country of origin!

So I decided to save myself a few quid (approx £1040 per year) and go on the Tobacco Run.

First  I had to Google a few key words before I found a company close enough for me to get to a pick up point (this truly was the hardest part of the whole mission)

I finally came across a coach company called Excalibur who offer shoping day trips along with other reasonably priced excursions.

I gave them a quick ring and booked my spot on the Calais shopping trip for the coming Saturday morning, £30 is all this trip would cost me, now im not a wealthy man but £30 was a bargain when you think that you could do a months shopping (food, consumables, etc…) on this trip and save yourself £100s, I bought 28 bottles of wine at £1.20 each which costs in the UK £3.99 each, so if I took my £30 coach fair out of the savings I made with this buy alone it would still be a saving of £36, Im not an accountant or anything but it makes sense to me! I know that these trips are a money savers dream!

Before my trip I did my homework to find out what I could and could not bring back and I found this in  on a Heathrow Airport website:

Duty Free Allowance / Tax Free Allowance

When travelling from the EU to the UK you do not have to pay any tax or duty on goods you have bought in another EU country as long as tax was included in the price when you purchased the items, the items are for your own use, and have been transported to the UK by you. This includes gifts, but does not include any item that is intended to be used as payment or to be resold.

If you bring back large quantities of alcohol or tobacco, a Customs Officer is more likely to ask about the purposes for which you hold the goods. This will most likely be the case if you appear at the airport with more than:

  • 3200 cigarettes
  • 400 cigarillos
  • 200 cigars
  • 3 kg of smoking tobacco
  • 110 litres of beer
  • 10 litres of spirits
  • 90 litres of wine
  • 20 litres of fortified wine e.g. port or sherry

Needless to say I had to raid my savings once I saw this, One point to make here: I thought it was one or the other (e.g Tobacco or Cigarettes)  but its not, You can actually purchase the amount of everything stated e.g 3kg (60 pouch’s) of Tobacco AND 3200 (16×200) Cigarettes! which is great for me as I am an everyday Tobacco smoker but always have a 20 box of B&H on me for smoking when on the move or busy (when I don’t have time to roll).

I read that Its also advisable to bring sterling cash (for Adinkerke) but as the exchange rate is practically even at the moment, having sterling cash didnt make a difference.

06:30hrs Saturday: I wait at  my pick up point for the coach, It arrives about 06:45, I hop on say hello all and pick my seat for the trip.

After a few more pick ups the coach heads for Dover, I quite surprised and impressed by Excalibur coachs as it was air conditioned, had a toilet, very very comfortable and even had a TV! it was also full of friendly and helpful people.

at Dover we borded the ferry for the 09:25 crossing, had breakfast, arsed around a lot and got some duty free (only aftershave). NB: Tobacco in the duty free is set at the same price it is in france which was approx £78 for 500gm (10x50gm) of GV, even though this is just over half the price you would pay in the UK it is no where close to the price (£45 for 500gm/10x50gm) you would pay in Adinkerke.

The crossing took a little over an hour and once we exited the boat we where on our way.

10mins later we pulled into a sort of shopping warehouse in Calais, we where given half an hour (more than enough time) to have a stroll around and get some cheap Wine, Beer, Consumibles ……etc  you could do your monthly shopping here with ease.

We then headed to Cite Europe which is a great big fuck off shopping centre which has everything you can think in there including H&M, Zara, ToysRus, etc…… but is a lot cheaper than in the UK

You get about 4hrs to shop around there or you can stay on the coach and head for Adinkerke which I did!

About 45mins later we reached Adinkerke which is a town just over the French border into Belgium, we got about 1hr 30 mins to have a stroll around Adinkerke.

Now Adinkerke is not a big town, I would call it a small village I saw probably 15 shops in Adinkerke and 13 of them where Tobacco shops!

So down to business! There was no point in going to all the shop’s as the price difference between the was nothing if anything so I popped into The Real Tobacco Pub which is a smallish pub with ajoining tobacco shop, I picked up a current price list (which I didnt need but was just been nosey) and started to scan the price’s, you could also buy chocolates (Belgiums finest) and drink here all discounted compared to the UK. Current price lists can be found here

So I got my 60 pouch’s of Golden Virginia for a grand total of £270 (which is nothing compared to UK) they gave me a token which I then exchanged for a drink at the bar, after about half an hour and a big grin on my face I decided to get some chocolates so I strolled about 2mins down the road and found  P & J which is a chocolate factory as well as a tobacco shop, I stocked up on a years supply of chocolate and made my way back to the coach.

From Adinkerke we headed back to Calais stopping at a Wine&Beer warehouse along the way where you can get named brands at a third of the price!

We then pick up any shoppers at Cite Europe and headed for the Ferry.

All in all we had about 6hrs in France and Belgium and I got dropped off at my pick up point at about 20:45hrs.

Moral of the story: For the sake of £30 and a Saturday I had saved myself in the region of £700 and that was only on tobacco, drink and chocolates!

Imagine what you could save doing your grocery, cloths or toy shopping!!!!!

My suggestion: Get off your arse, book a shopping day trip with Excalibur and start saving some money!!!!

February 9, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 49 Comments

Running Portable Applications From A TrueCrypt Volume

A Portable App (Application) does exactly as it says on the tin, Its an application that is portable, that can run from a usb stick, ipod, mp3 player etc……

You can use them for email, internet, office software , finances etc….

There are quite a few portable apps out there but PortableApps.com rules the roost when it comes to complete and total domination of the portable app world!

They have a Portable app suite which contains almost every program you will need with for day to day life all wraped up into one bundle including a launcher which will run from your choice of usb hardware.

“PortableApps.com Suite™ is a complete collection of portable apps including a web browser, email client, office suite, calendar/scheduler, instant messaging client, antivirus, audio player, sudoku game, password manager, PDF reader, minesweeper clone, backup utility and integrated menu, all preconfigured to work portably. Just drop it on your portable device and you’re ready to go.”

“Included Applications

PortableApps.com ScreenshotAll versions of the PortableApps.com Suite include the integrated PortableApps.com Menu (pictured at right) and the PortableApps.com Backup utility along with a set of custom icons, an autoplay configuration, folders and a quick start shortcut. In addition, the packages include:

This is some Kick ass FREE Software put together perfectly to run on Windows or Linux (via Wine), It is just plug and play, simple!

Download the software, extract it to your usb device and run it.

Its basically a whole operating system running from your usb without any need to reboot! you can add or remove programs as you see fit and with new program becoming available its a one stop shop for all your computing needs.

Some might say what happens if you lose your usb device? well it also contains an integrated back up tool so you can regulary back up to some other media.

Yeah but if I lose my usb device whoever finds it will have access to all my files, correspondence, contacts etc…….

This is where your TrueCrypt Volume comes in!!

If you followed my instructions for creating a TrueCrypt Volume all you have to do is mount your TrueCrypt Volume, extract the Portable app suite software to it and you now have a secure portable usb device that you can run all your programs on.

My personal setup:

As I have access to and use numerous different computers at work and at home I have a 16gb usb flash drive with a 14gb TrueCrypt Volume on it. From this encrypted volume I run Portable Apps to access/retrive my email (Thunderbird), My personal finances (GNUCash), Internet (Firefox) etc….. I also keep all my documents and files on it so I have access to everything I need where ever I go, the 14gb is enough space for me that I dont have to keep any buisness/personal files on any host computer, Everything is kept in that secure 14gb Volume, there is also another hidden 2gb TrueCrypt Volume inside it for my “More Sensitive” material.

When I am finished doing my buisness I unmount all my Volumes and I am left with a totally secure usb device with no trace of me on the host computer.

I hope this has been helpful to someone, This has been a very basic run down if anyone needs more details let me know, Any questions or comments please feel free.

November 24, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Secure Portable USB (MoD Take Note!!!!) TrueCrypt

This one go’s out for all those government officials who have a tendency to leave Usb Sticks, Flash drives, laptop’s and other unsecured data lying around in bus’s,trains,brothel’s,public toilets etc..

First things first cd’s and dvd’s are useless and obsolete, get rid of them!!!! (they will only come back to haunt you)

I will be demonstrating how to turn your usb stick/flash drive into a secure device accessible from most computer (Linux, Windows or Mac) using a program called TrueCrypt.

TrueCrypt Is a free program that makes a virtual encrypted disc in a file and mounts it.

I will be demonstrating using a 2gb usb stick you can use whatever size but I would suggest at least 2gb and in future post’s I will show you what can be done with this to secure all your information from unauthorized access for example: I have 2 computers at work: 1 x an entirely encrypted laptop running Ubuntu Linux which contains a 20gb encrypted vault with another hidden 10gb encrypted vault inside that one each with their own completely different 32 character password! (The NSA are after me 🙂 ) and  1 x desktop running Xp which is work related, I have the same setup at home a laptop running Ubuntu and desktop running Xp (I don’t use windows unless no other system is available), besides these I have access to about 6 other PC’s that I may/do use from time to time, as I don’t know where ill be when the need arises to use a pc send or receive an email (as I will not use a Crap-berry) access a file, check on my finances or just look at porn, I carry my 16gb usb stick in my pocket, I insert it into any computer unlock my Vault (which we will be making today) and access my file’s or check my emails with the programs i have running off my stick then I close it down and move on with no traces on the computer of my actions 🙂

For now I will concentrate on securing your usbstick:

This will be demonstrated on windows but for linux it is pretty much the same.

1 ) Download TrueCrypt for Vista/Xp/2000, you will have to run the progam twice. first time extract the contents to a folder called TrueCrypt on your desktop

Extract Wizard

Extract Wizard

and second time install the program.

2 ) If there is a chance you will be using a Linux or Mac download the deb,rpm,source and Mac OS files and add them to your TrueCrypt folder and keep to one side for later.

3 ) Once you run TrueCrypt you will see the main screen, Here you can mount/dismount and create your vault, you can also adjust your settings from here too.

TrueCrypt Main Screen

TrueCrypt Main Screen

4 ) Click the “Create Volume” button and it will start the “Volume Creation Wizard” the wizard gives you three different choices and explanations, we will be choosing the first choice “Create Encrypted File Container” The reason being that we want our USB portable and accessible from any computer without having to install any programs on to the host computer meaning you can use internet cafe’s or computers which you do not have administrative privileges to.

5 ) Click “Next” to choose the Volume Type, once again we are going for the first choice “Standard TrueCrypt Volume”. (we will discuss the Hidden Volume in another post)

6 ) Click “Next”, Now we choose where your going to save the Volume/Vault, just choose a name (e.g TestVault) and save to your desktop.

7 ) Click “Next”, Encryption Options: Now I dont know much about different types of encryption so I just leave this as is and click “Next” (If you know anything about encryption feel free to arse around here).

8 ) Choose your Volume size, If your using a 2gb stick choose 1500mb if not choose what you feel is right but leave 500mb on the usb stick so you can add files later (please remember you will be saving the Volume to your desktop first before its copied onto your usb stick).

9 ) Enter your password and confirm, all I will say about this is make sure its a decent length and make sure you will remember it. NB: If you forget your password you will lose your data! its as simple as that, there is no way to recover your data so do not forget you password.

10 ) Volume Format: leave the option’s as is, follow instructions and format your volume.

11 ) Once your volume is created click exit.

Now copy your newly encrypted volume onto your usb stick and then copy your TrueCrypt folder (that you set aside earlier) on to it.

Voila!

Now to access your Volume/Vault simply plug your usb in to any host computer and run TrueCrypt.exe form within the Truecrypt folder on your usb.

This runs TrueCrypt from the usb so nothing will need to be installed on the hoast computer, Mount your Volume/Vault then you can access it like its an extra disc on your computer.

Any question comments feel free.

November 24, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Jinlun Texan JL 125-11 How To Build / Install

This post is a continuation from here.

Warning: Before we start I want to make a few things clear.

1) I suggest you use a proper mechanic to put your bike together.

2) This is the way I put my 2 bikes together, It might be the right way It might also be the wrong way but this is the way I did it! My only previous experience with bikes was my Huoniao which is still going strong after 6000km so I must have done something right.

3) If you fuck up your bike or build a deathtrap I am not responible, I am writing this post to show people how I did my bike’s, If you decide to follow my instructions It is entirely at your own risk!

4) Please feel free to comment or give suggestions on any of my Instructions and if I have fucked up somewhere please let me know.

My Shopping List:

2 x 10ml bottles of 243 Threadlock from StarLoc Adhesives Ebay shop for £3.99 each.

2 x 600ml WD40 from my local Halfords at £3.99 each.

1 x 500g tub of Multi Purpose Grease (Halfords) at £5.49

2 x 400ml 3-In-One Professional White Lithium Grease also from the Local Halfords at £4.99 each and from ScrewFix Direct I bought a reversible 1/2″ Torque Wrench a 40pc Socket set(1/4″ & 3/8″) and a 26pc (cheap) toolkit which comes in a bag with an assortment of tools, all for £63.97 delivered.

1 x (borrowed) car jack.

-)

My Big Boys Toys 🙂

Set some uninterupted time aside, It took me nearly 6hrs for the first bike and about 4hrs for the second bike. I did this over the Saturday & Sunday 1st & 2nd of November 2008.

I have tried to document everything and take pictures of important things but my Nokia N73 is a piece of shit and kept crashing on me so please excuse the picture quality.

I would suggest a strong friend to help, Getting the front wheel on is the hardest part of putting these bikes together, once it is on the rest will fall into place.

If I have forgotten anything please let me know.

Step 1) Take delivery of your box: This is big and heavy, 165kg in weight and the box dimensions are 202x57x87cm (nearly 7ft long).

The Box

The Box

Once you have unstraped it take the cardbord off and discard you will see the metal crate surrounding your new toy.

Metal Crate

Metal Crate

There will be some boxs tied to the crate, take these and any other loose bits(front wheel, mudguard, panniers, engine guard…..etc) and put to one side.

You will need to unbolt some of the parts that are attached to the metal crate.

Once you have all your bits and pieces start unbolting the metal crate. After you have all the bolts removed lift the top of the metal crate completely clear of the bike.(the metal crate is made of cheap and nasty metal which will snap and will cut you badly if it is given half a chance) remove some plastic wrapping so you can see what your up against.

Step 2) Puting on the front wheel: As I have already mentioned this is the hardest part and this is when you will need help, I am sure this is easy with the right tools and I am sure there is a better way to do this but this is the way I did it.

Unbolt the front forks from the metal crate (you might need to use a bit of gentle persuasion here, a hammer does wonders).

This will release the forks from the crate and you will be left with 3 pieces, the wheel bolt, a metal spacer(short tube) and the nut.

Remove the plastic spacer that is in between the front brake disc pads (do not close brake pads)

Set up your car jack under the main frame of the bike.

02112008336

Have somebody hold the bike steady while you jack it up. Be gentle, careful and take your time with this, make sure the jack is secure and once the forks are raised enough to put the front wheel on (I would suggest getting a piece of wood and laying it over the area of the crate that the forks where connected to as this area is sharpe and will cut through your new tyre with ease once the jack is let down) take your bolt and starting from the right(as you look at it) fork put the bolt through this, then through the wheel counter (looks like a cover with a cable connecting it to the speedo)

01112008315

, position the front wheel so the disc is in between the brake disc pads and continue through the wheel with the bolt, when you get to the other side of the wheel place the metal spacer between the left fork and the wheel

01112008316

and push the bolt through to the other side(this will take a bit of jiggiling and a hammer comes in handy here too) of the fork where you can now screw on the nut and tighten.

Once the wheel is securly on you can let down the jack and carefully roll the bike out of the remainder of the metal crate.

Step 3) Cosmetics: I wanted to get the cosmetics out of the way first so I could then concentrate on the mechanical. All the nuts and bolts you need are in one of the cardbord boxs you took off earlier.

Sissy bar/seat: find these parts

Sissy bar/seat

Sissy bar/seat

Bolt to the back of the seat, easy.

Engine guard:

Engine guard

Engine guard

This is a bit difficult to explain so hopefully the pictures will show how its done, attach the 2 metal plates to the guard using nuts supplied and then bolt to frame of bike.(you will have to undo one of the bike frames main bolts so you can attach it,then thighten the bolt back up)

Engine guard bolted to frame

Engine guard bolted to frame

Then use the horse shoe bolt around the actual bike frame, posistion and tighten.

Engine guard horse shoe bolt

Engine guard horse shoe bolt

Tighten and threadlock all the bolts and tug on the engine guard to just make sure its secure and strong.

Side Panniers guards:

Side Panniers guards

Side Panniers guards

You will have 2 of these one for the left and one for the right, there are no bolts for these as they are bolted directly to the bike using the bikes existing bolts.

Exsisting bolts

Existing bolts

There are 2 main bolts for the guard to be attached to, the shock absorber bolt is one and the other is the longer protruding bolt. Undo both of these, attach the guard and tighten.

Attach and tighten

Attach and tighten

Do exactly the same for the other side.

02112008345

Find these parts:

02112008359

Position into place at the rear of the 2 side guards (as below) , then bolt and tighten.

02112008360

You can now add the panniers and bolt into place if you want, I left them till the end as not to damage them.

Indicators: these are the second hardest part of the bike, they are just awkward, I don’t know if this is the correct way to do them and im sure theres an easier way but this is the way I did them and they work. First use your key to remove the main seat

01112008325

Trace the indicator cables to their connection points (kind of electrical clips), disconnect the wires taking note of which go’s where, Unscrew the nut at the base of the Indicator(there is some electrical tape that you will have to remove to completely unscrew the nut) and slide it off the remaining cable.

Thread the cable through the hole in the rear pannier guard, thread the nut back on the cable, tighten into place and replace the electrical tape to secure.

02112008362

Now you will have to find a way of neatly getting the cable back to the connection points (this is a fiddly job) I finally got the wire in between the rear mud guard and the chrome. connect back up the cables and do the same for the other side.

While you have the seat off It would do no harm to pack all the connector blocks with grease, It will stop water getting in.

Packing the block with grease

Packing the block with grease

Step 4) Pedals: I will start off with the brake pedal / foot rest as it is relatively simple, The foot rest is pointing downwards with the brake pedal.

02112008352

All you have to do is unscrew the bolt, move the foot rest down into place and screw the bolt back in.

02112008353

Hey Presto!

Clutch foot rest/pedal:

Unscrew the 2 bolts

02112008354

Place the foot rest/pedal into position and screw the bolts back in.

02112008356

Now while your doing this take notice of the 2 knobbly bits, 1 that is attached to the clutch pedal and one attached to the bike engine just beside the side stand. In the picture it is the right hand side of the photo.

021120083571

knobbly bit

Now find the clutch pedal bar.

Clutch Pedal Bar

Clutch Pedal Bar

This bar is threaded differently on both sides, there is a knack to this. Position the bar in between the 2 knobbly bits (you may need to pull back the knobbly bit attached to the engine to do this) when it is perfectly aligned start screwing the bar into the knobbly bit attached to the engine, if aligned correctly it will automaticly screw it self into the other knobbly bit and you will see the clutch pedal move into postion.

02112008358

Once fully screwed in you can tighten the nuts against it.

Step 5) Handle Bars: I am not going to explain how to mount the handle bars because it is common sense what I will explain is the Clutch cable, the following photo is a bad one but your looking for the metal cable in the plastic sleave thats hanging near the speedo, you need to put this into the clutch lever attached to the handle bars.

02112008349

Take the brake lever and throttle and attach them to the other side. Please note: There is a lot of free play in the throttle, on an average bike throttle free play is usually between 2mm – 10mm but on this bike the free play is 36mm.

02112008350

Now mount your handle bars and screw on your wing mirrors.

Mount your speedo with the 2 nuts, washers and bolts supplied.02112008346

Step 6) Battery: Fill the battery as per instructions and connect to the bike, Put some grease on the connections to help prevent corrosion.

Step 7) Fuel line: there is a fuel line coming from the fuel tap, just plug the other end into the nipple at the carburettor and bobs you uncle.

Step 8) Start your engine: give it about 20mins for the battery to charge, put some petrol in and start her up!

02112008366

Finish off: Now while your waiting for the DVLA to get off their arse and send you a reg plate number, it gives you plenty of time to go through the bike thoroughly and tighten every single nut and bolt this is a necessity as many will have worked themselves loose in their journey from China, Threadlock whatever you can.

Tyre Pressure:

Check your tyre pressure Front Tyre: 200 kpa = 29 psi Rear Tyre: 225 kpa = 32.5 psi

Get your WD40 and cover the bike with it (I mean everywhere!) give it an hour to penetrate everything and spend another hour buffing and polishing it off, this will prevent rust on the bike and all your chrome work.

Comments and Suggestions Welcome:

I am sure I have left something out so if you have any comments, questions or suggestions please feel free to comment as we only learn by making mistakes.

A final word of warning: Tighten, tighten, tighten. but don’t over tighten 🙂

I hope this post has been helpful to somebody.

Update: Wed 19/Nov/2008:

Just to update you on my adventure and my findings, I have decided to keep the Red (Wine/Burgundy, whatever you want to call it!) bike for myself and sell on the black one, even though I am normally quite partial to black, the red one looks so much better.

Jennifer (as I have now named her) has of last week been taxed,insured,registered and on the road since Saturday.

a couple of notes:

1) The bike must be broken in (run in) for the first 1000km, so nothing faster than 40mph.

2) There is a knack to starting the bike with the choke, Jennifer likes her choke fully on for 10seconds then half on until she’s heated up. Im sure each girl has her own preference and you will have to figure your one out for yourself.

3) When you first pull away you have to give the throttle some welly otherwise she will just cut out on you!

4) My gears are a bit funny, sometimes she doesnt want to go into 4th or 5th and other times she’s perfect, I think its all part of the running in process so just go easy on her and make sure that you are continually usinig each gear during this period.

These are observations I made of my bike, your mileage may vary. but all in all I am delighted with her.

While information gathering I stumbled across The Jinlun Motorcycle Owners Club. Wow! I was stunned. This is an amazing find for anyone even thinking of getting a Jinlun! But if you own a Jinlun its a necessity!

The visitors forum is free and you can find some great hints & tips and lots of info but the real jewel in the crown is if you choose to become a member (and you should!) you pay your £10 yearly membership fee and suddenly the world of Jinlun is unlocked where you have access to all the information you will ever need, Top Notch (and I mean Top Notch) Maintenace Guides and hundreds of down to earth,friendly individuals just like you, willing to answer any of your questions on the forum.

My suggestion is Join And Pay, you wont be disappointed.

From time to time I will be updating this blog with my adventure’s on Jennifer so untill next time Ride Hard And Crash Soft!

“Bikes don’t leak oil, they mark their territory.” Author Unknown

November 3, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Triops Vs Sea Monkeys

Which is the best “Instant Pet” ?

A Triop

A Triop

Sea Monkeys

Sea Monkeys

Through the century’s mankind has searched for that ever elusive holy grail of pets which is a cool pet that requires minimal maintenance and wont attack you when you sleep if you inadvertently forget to pay it some attention.

My fellow lazy arse’s let me introduce you to Instant Pets, These do exactly as they say on the tin, you add water and SHAZAM! you have a pet, cool or what!

For those that have never heard of Triops or their counterparts Sea Monkeys, I will give you a full rundown of each from birth to death (from natural cause’s, accidents, cannibalism, experiments, old age, acts of god, acts of me, war) as I engage on this journey of pet discovery and by the end of this blog I will crown one “The Supreme Instant Pet”.

To aid me in my quest I will require some ingredients/kits I will list these shortly but first I will give you some background information on the reasons behind this exercise.

Why?

This is an easy question to answer:

1) I am a bored 32yr old male.

2) I am not allowed (after many arguments!) have an Ostrich (even though it would be more economical and better for the environment than driving in and out of work each day)

3) I like strange pets (I’ve had snakes, lizards, turtles, dogs, dragons, praying mantis and currently have 2 chickens and 2 ferrets)

and the most important reason:

4) I am a Man and like most men I want to be a God! This is the perfect way to quench my desire for divine power and to give and take life as I see fit, without resorting to cloning or mass murder.

The Experiment:

1) To raise both Triops and Sea Monkeys and decide which of these instant pets is worthy of my time.

2) To decide once and for all which is the coolest “lazy man’s pet”

3) To prove to my girlfriend I am a God.:-)

Ingredients:

1) 1 x Triops World (£7.95 + £1.95 delivered from Ebay or Argos for slightly more).

2) 1 x Sea Monkeys on Mars aquarium (Roughly the same as above).

3) Bottled spring water. (Sainsburys)

Everything you need including the tank (except water) will come with each of the kits but just to be the perfect Deity I have also purchased

1) Sea Monkeys “Million Bubble Air Pump” for oxygenating the water (£3.20)

2) Sea Monkeys “Tiny Tank Tool” for cleaning the Algae off the tank (£2.49)

So now we are stocked up Lets Play God!

The Contenders

Triops:

Triops are tiny crustaceans (Lobsters, Crabs) that live for 20 – 90 days, They have 3 eyes (hence the name Triops) and quickly grow from 1-3 inches long. They breath through their feet and eat almost anything including each other (cool!). They date back to the time of dinosaurs and for this reason are also known as Dinosaur Shrimp.

Sea Monkeys:

Sea Monkeys are a form of brine shrimp that can live to upto 2yrs, They grow from 1/2 – 3/4 inch long, as with the Triops the eggs are in a type of suspended animation untill they are added to water and hatch, Sea Monkeys are the better known of the instant pets as they have been on sale since the 1960s (they have even been to space with NASA) and they also have the most addon’s and extra’s (kits, tools, toys). They live happily together in groups and unfortunately will not resort to cannibalism. In short the Sea Monkeys are the wuss’s of the Instant Pet world.

Who will be the winner? Only time will tell, Stay tuned for updates.

Day 1 12/10/2008

I have followed the instructions (added water, conditioner, eggs, etc) on both the SeaMonkeys and Triops kits now it is a waiting game to see who pops up first.

NB:

In my search for the above kits I stumbled across yet another instant pet called Magic Fish that is generally the same setup as the others only this one hatches  Killi fish (real Fish!) so I will be testing these alongside the other 2 contenders.

Day 2 13/10/2008

Success!!!! I was so surprised when I came home from work this evening to find a few individuals floating around in the Triops tank, now I know that you get a lot of other lifeforms packed along with your Triops but even though they were minuscule I could clearly make out the form of baby Triops, I can see sweet F A in the Sea Monkeys or Magic Fish tanks (maybe im just not looking close enough) but none the less whatever they are I am chuffed with myself! I Have Created Life! 🙂

Day 15 26/10/2008

Sorry about the delay on this but if anyone is reading my Pioneer Nevada blog they will understand why.

The Sea Monkeys still have not surfaced (proably my fault) but I am now the proud owner of 4 baby Triops.

I am sorry for the lack of information but this project has being put on hold for the immediate future (due to the Pioneer Nevada blog which is taking priority and most of my time and energy)and hopefully will be revisited soon. (But the Triops are cool)

October 9, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | 43 Comments

Welcome

Hello and welcome to my Weblog

My name is Colin and soon I will be filling this weblog with many different articles of information on anything and everything I have picked up along my way through life, most will be first hand experience’s.

I believe that life is a learning curve and this is where it begins to bend.

Firstly, credit where credit is due: I would like to thank Mo for starting me on the path to Weblog Super Stardom :-). Thanks Mo.

August 17, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized, Welcome | 1 Comment